for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
