Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
