it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
