Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
