Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
