Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
