Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
