i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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