i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
