you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Randomize
