I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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