The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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