Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Can you bring me the toilet please
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
