Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
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