i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
