So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
