Where is the hickey?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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