the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
