im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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