you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
