he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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