I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Randomize
