I think i sorta joined a cult last night
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
