You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
