I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
You ruined the universe
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