when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
