Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Randomize
