apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Randomize
