Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
