You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
you never un-have a 4some
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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