she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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