Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
