I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
You need a sexual gate keeper
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Randomize
