I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
