there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
