when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
