My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
only you would photoshop your dick
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
