I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize