Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
