I hope mine doesn't look like that
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
