we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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