I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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