I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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