It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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