Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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