There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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