This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
And then my night got REAL pukey
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
