I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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