I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
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