i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
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