didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
