I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
