Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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